1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,719 KNOCKING ON DOOR 2 00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:05,160 Mum? 3 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:10,039 Mum? 4 00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:11,440 KNOCKING ON WINDOW 5 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:19,400 Mum! 6 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:25,119 Mum? Michael? What are you doing here? 7 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:27,039 I need a go on Linda. Where is she? 8 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:29,479 She's charging in the living room. 9 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,679 Is everything all right? Er... 10 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:35,759 No. There's an Open Mic night at the shop to support artists 11 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,359 doing new songs. 12 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:40,479 I put my name down... Good for you! 13 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:44,879 Well, Renee's always talking about following your passion, pushing 14 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:48,839 past your comfort zone, how Chris is always achieving all of his dreams. 15 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:55,559 Hello, Michael! Jesus! Well, the thing is, my songs are... shit. 16 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:58,439 They're shit and stupid. Then you should cancel. 17 00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:01,159 I'm not cancelling! This is my dream! 18 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:02,679 Then you should follow your dream. 19 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:07,359 Look, OK, Linda, I need you to sort me 20 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:10,759 an original composition that has "hit" written all over it. 21 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:12,280 I can do that for you, Michael. 22 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:23,359 BLEEPS I have sorted you out an original composition 23 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,559 with "hit" written all over it. 24 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:28,799 I will email you the music and lyrics. 25 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,519 Wow! 26 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:35,839 Amazing! OK, I've got to get to work! Wish me luck! 27 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:40,799 Best of luck, Michael, pursuing the dream of a lifetime. 28 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,279 SUE CHUCKLES QUIETLY 29 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:47,079 I thought before we get the onions, we could call at the British Legion. 30 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,559 Repetitive routines are unhealthy. 31 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:52,119 Perhaps today, we could do something different. 32 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:54,999 Sorry, I didn't know my life was so boring. 33 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,719 Yes, it is. 34 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:58,879 I was being sarcastic. 35 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,599 You could try Senior Puzzle Club. 36 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:06,159 Try what? Senior Puzzle Club is where elderly can socialise 37 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,759 and do simple puzzles, to slow deterioration of brain function. 38 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:10,800 Linda... 39 00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:14,879 ...if you ever take me to Senior Puzzle Club, 40 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:18,959 I will personally pour yoghurt into your circuits! 41 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,159 Understood? 42 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:23,759 You will personally pour yoghurt into my circuits. 43 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,040 Understood. 44 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:29,359 Maybe we could do something that you have never done. 45 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:34,079 OK. Well I've never gone scuba-diving in the Maldives, 46 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:38,719 I've never flown first class on an aeroplane, 47 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:42,359 I've never made love to anyone apart from my husband. 48 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:47,360 But I'm 80, so the chances of any of that happening are nil. 49 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:50,679 This question has made you angry. 50 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,719 Yeah, well, it was a stupid question! 51 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,559 I will ask a new question. 52 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,679 Would you like to make love to someone other than your husband? 53 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:00,560 God, no! I'm not a floozy! 54 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,319 Unlike my daughter-in-law. 55 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,360 Ha-ha-ha. Good one, Sue. 56 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:11,879 Hello, Phyllis, Jeffrey. 57 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,000 Hello, Linda. 58 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,919 Nice lamp. This? 59 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:21,559 This is for one of our rentals that needs rewiring to meet 60 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,839 "fire safety requirements". 61 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,799 Honestly, we lose money being landlords. 62 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,479 Why don't you stop being landlords? 63 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:32,559 Her problem solving capacity is incredible. 64 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:35,279 That's real lateral thinking, Linda, that. 65 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:39,439 You are welcome. We are actually downsizing our portfolio. 66 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:42,399 We've just closed on one of those pokey little terraces 67 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:43,719 on Portman Road... 68 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,199 That's where I live. 69 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:49,519 Well, it's taking off, the gays are moving in! 70 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,519 You're soon going to have a cheesemonger's. 71 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,399 Gay people eat cheese. 72 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:57,479 We'd best be off, we haven't even started to pack for Dorset. 73 00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,679 Doing anything fun today? 74 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,679 I'll probably go shopping and then make a casserole. 75 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:03,759 Aw... 76 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:07,199 Oh, Sue, you're missing an earring. 77 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:08,559 Oh... 78 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:13,199 Oh, no! Dave bought me these years ago in Tenerife. 79 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:16,800 Never mind, it doesn't look a very expensive pair. 80 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,359 Bye, Linda. 81 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,800 Goodbye, Jeffrey. 82 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,959 Hello, Tom. You're looking bright and summery. 83 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,719 We're off to the seaside... Lovely! 84 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,319 Yeah. We're scattering my cousin's ashes. 85 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,359 I'm sorry, I didn't know he passed away. 86 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,679 Oh, no, Harry died nine years ago. 87 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,759 No, I've been meaning to get around to this for a while. 88 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:42,280 Roxy, would you do my neck and shoulders? 89 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,039 Why don't you come too? 90 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,439 Oh, I hadn't planned to. 91 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,079 I hadn't planned to neither. Come on, Sue. 92 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:56,399 Sue, it would be healthy for you to be in a new environment. 93 00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,519 Linda's right, you should get out more. 94 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:01,599 I get out all the time! I don't mean to the shops. 95 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,559 Come to the seaside. It's full of raw sewage. 96 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,120 Yeah, it's not French Polynesia. 97 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:14,079 Sue... It took me years after Gwen died to start doing new things. 98 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:18,360 I'd spent so much time caring for her after she got sick... 99 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:21,519 ...I forgot how to live. 100 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:27,559 Tom... Choose an outfit, Linda, we're going to the seaside. 101 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,360 Let's scatter dead Harry. 102 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:35,439 This is incredible. Michael, come and have look at this! 103 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:36,560 Michael! 104 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:42,199 This piano is 570kg! 105 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:43,400 Michael, look! 106 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:45,919 Wow, it's so heavy. 107 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:47,439 Where would you like me to put it, Mark? 108 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:50,799 I'll tell you where you can put it. Put it here for now, mate. 109 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,159 LOUD BUMP Promise you won't call in sick with back pain? 110 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:56,439 I promise. Although I won't promise I won't phone in with a hangover. 111 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,320 FORCED LAUGH 112 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,679 You make jokes! Michael, did you hear Keith's joke? 113 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:05,839 Yeah, it didn't make any sense. No-one calls in with a hangover, 114 00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:07,799 people call in sick to hide a hangover. 115 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,439 Michael, can I assist you in any way? 116 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,239 Doubt it. Then I will utilize 117 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,319 this quiet time to clean the staff toilet. 118 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:16,920 Why, did you do a massive shit in there this morning? 119 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:20,640 Thanks, Keith. I appreciate it. 120 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,959 Keith is the smartest investment I've made in a while. 121 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:28,799 Yeah, sure, it's handy having a walking forklift. 122 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,759 Keith can do way more than heavy lifting. 123 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:34,199 He can play over 20 instruments. 26, to be precise. 124 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,679 I thought you were cleaning the toilet. I've finished. 125 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,920 I also play all 26 instruments to a Grade 7 level. 126 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:47,799 So what?! You have no idea about how humans connect with music. 127 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:52,519 I mean, I remember listening to Dark Side of the Moon 128 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:53,879 for the first time. 129 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,159 I remember saving up to buy a ticket for AC/DC. 130 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,839 It's a language, you don't speak it. 131 00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,879 'Sup? You all good? 132 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:05,240 Yeah, I'm looking for a cheaper version of Hester Chambers' guitar. 133 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:10,319 Who? Hester Chambers, from English indie rock band Wet Leg. 134 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:11,879 He only knows that because he's a robot. 135 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:13,519 I love their surreal style. 136 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,919 He doesn't love anything, he's a robot. 137 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:18,599 Look, look... just because I didn't know the name of the band, 138 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:22,239 it doesn't... Michael, let Keith do his job. 139 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,439 Hester Chambers plays a Hofner 173. 140 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:25,960 His hand's been in the toilet. 141 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:47,240 Yes! Thank you, Linda. 142 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:15,520 You ready, Tom? 143 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,999 Linda! Roxy! 144 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,640 Come join us. 145 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,040 Want to say a few words, Tom? 146 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,720 Oh... OK. Um... 147 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:34,360 Er... 148 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:39,760 Harry was, er... 149 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:42,720 ...5 foot 10. 150 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:44,920 Um... 151 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:50,319 He loved Wet Wet Wet, he had three of his albums. 152 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:51,360 Erm... 153 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,639 Either of you want to say something? We never met him. 154 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,800 5 foot 10 is a good height though. 155 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,040 Thank you. 156 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:08,999 Linda, have you got any funeral speeches? 157 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,199 Yes. 158 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:14,679 "Do not go gentle into that good night, old age should burn 159 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,839 "and rave a close of day 160 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:20,919 "Rage, rage against the dying of the light..." 161 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:25,319 Have you got something more upbeat? Yes. 162 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:28,039 "Cousin Harry knew how to party. 163 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,279 "He had a taste for racy cars... 164 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,239 "and even racier women!" 165 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:35,279 Actually, Harry was gay. 166 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:37,119 He was very shy. 167 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,840 And he died of loneliness... 168 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:43,840 Apparently, the body just shuts down when it's not being touched. 169 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,759 Linda, maybe a few comforting words. 170 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:52,839 And a little light music. 171 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:53,920 Yes. 172 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,559 "Do not stand by my grave and weep, 173 00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:02,359 "I am not there, I do not sleep, 174 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:05,199 "I am the thousand winds that blow, 175 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:08,519 "I am the diamond glints on snow. 176 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:11,519 "I am the sun on ripened grain. 177 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:14,199 "I am the gentle autumn rain. 178 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,119 "When you awaken in the morning's hush, 179 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,799 "I am the swift uplifting rush 180 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:23,199 "Of quiet birds in circled flight, 181 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:26,519 "I am the soft stars that shine at night. 182 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:29,719 "Do not stand by my grave and cry. 183 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:33,160 "I am not there, I did not die." 184 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:56,599 One day you're buying your Wet Wet Wet albums, 185 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,279 and before you know it, three strangers 186 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:03,720 and their robots are scattering your ashes over raw sewage. 187 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:09,119 Perhaps the funfair will help elevate your mood. 188 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,599 That's a great idea! Carpe diem! 189 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,559 Well, maybe I'll make my casserole tomorrow. 190 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,360 That's the spirit! 191 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,679 It's changed a bit. 192 00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:28,879 Right, everybody, get your laughing gear round that. 193 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,439 I just love funfair food! It's actually quite nice. 194 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:33,839 Mm! 195 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:37,799 I'm thinking of taking Roxy on the rollercoaster. 196 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,639 I'm not getting on one of those bloody death traps! 197 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,040 Not after what happened to that Swedish woman. 198 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:49,199 She'd flown 28 hours to get to a fun park in Florida, 199 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,759 gets on a rollercoaster, 200 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,759 it derails! 201 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,639 Safety bar goes right through her. 202 00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:58,559 Skewers her like a shish kebab. 203 00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:00,359 I think I've chipped one of my teeth. 204 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,039 Bled to death. 205 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:07,360 That is why you should never remove impaled objects. 206 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:13,959 Oh, my God! 207 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,759 It's a toenail! 208 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,479 Give it here, I'll take it back. They might give us a free one. 209 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,319 Why would I want another hotdog from them?! 210 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:22,639 Sue, you are unhappy again. 211 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:27,319 There was a toenail in my hotdog. 212 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:30,039 I'm ready for a ride. Do you want to go on a ride, Roxy? 213 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,759 Yes. 214 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:33,799 Sue, is it time to go on a ride? 215 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,199 I can't face the queues. 216 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,319 The bigger the queue, the better the ride! 217 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,839 Isn't that what they say, Roxy? 218 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:43,520 No. See? Come on, let's hit the road. 219 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:47,199 Other funfair activities. 220 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:51,199 Coconut shy, ghost train, hook-a-duck... 221 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,560 Oh, isn't she sweet? 222 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:58,879 Michael used to love getting his face painted when he was little. 223 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:00,919 Sue, you could get your face painted. 224 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,239 No, that's for children. 225 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,680 Or wankers. 226 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:09,479 Sue, there is no queue for this ride. 227 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,639 Fortune teller? 228 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:15,679 Dave and I went to see the fortune teller when we were first courting. 229 00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:20,479 God, that must be... over 50 years ago! 230 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,799 Would you like a ride on a fortune teller? 231 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:26,039 Sue, you shouldn't meddle with the dark arts. 232 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:29,919 My friend Lynn Bacon, she got herself a Ouija board, 233 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,520 a succubus attached itself to her aura. 234 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:37,719 I think it might be fun... 235 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:41,119 All right. Give us your hotdog and toenail, suit yourself. 236 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:45,399 Tom's right. They're bound to give me a free ice-cream. 237 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,920 Come on, Linda. 238 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:54,199 Sit. 239 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:59,679 Ow! Linda, have you got a torch or something? 240 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:02,559 FUTURISTIC SOUND Argh! Shit, turn it off! 241 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:03,760 Linda, lights off! 242 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,239 Cross my palm with silver. 243 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:14,999 How much? 244 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:19,359 20 pounds for ten minutes, 50 for... 20 pounds?! 245 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:23,119 Do you want communion with the astral realm or not? 246 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,320 This had better be top shelf communion... 247 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,440 Now give me your hand. 248 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,840 Do you go to the optician? 249 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:47,599 I'm 80. 250 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:48,800 So, yes. 251 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,639 You'll be going again soon. 252 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,039 Sue, she is correct. 253 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,519 Sshh! You are a mother... 254 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:57,839 of a daughter? 255 00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,159 No. 256 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,279 Three sons? No. Son and a daughter? No. 257 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:02,439 Two daughters? No. 258 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,839 Who's Margaret? I don't know. 259 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:06,800 Are we going to do this for ten minutes? 260 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:13,839 I am sensing you're disappointed. 261 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,919 Yes, I am. 262 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:17,959 You're often disappointed, 263 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,120 by life. 264 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,999 Yeah, I guess, yeah. 265 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:27,839 You weren't always like this. 266 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,160 No. Just the last few years. 267 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,799 You used to be fun. 268 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,399 I am fun. But are you? 269 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,679 Yes, I am fun. Tell her, Linda. 270 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:39,880 Sue is fun! In what way? 271 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:44,960 Sue is fun! 272 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,919 Is this all part of the 10 minutes? Yes. 273 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:52,279 That's not fair, you're charging us by the minute! 274 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:56,199 We have been arguing whether Sue is fun for 19 seconds. 275 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:59,480 Now 20. 21... Sshh! I'm getting something. 276 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,239 It's a male energy. Very dear to you. 277 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,079 I can see a... car. 278 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:07,480 And the colour... 279 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,000 ...yellow. 280 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:19,319 My... Dave had a yellow Ford when we first met. 281 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,759 He says he'll send you a sign. 282 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:23,000 What kind of sign? 283 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:26,240 What kind of sign? 284 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:33,360 He said that's a great question, and he needs time to think. 285 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,200 Is this part of the 10 minutes? 286 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,600 I can't make him think faster. 287 00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:04,039 Doing anything fun this weekend? I've got tickets to Hamilton. 288 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,279 We will probably watch Strictly, we watch Strictly every... 289 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:13,999 Sshh! He says you've lost something, but don't worry, you'll find it. 290 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,479 Sue, you have lost an earring. Where will I find it? 291 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:21,599 He says it will be in the last place you look. 292 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,639 Yes, it will be in the last place she looks. 293 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,000 Sshh! He says... 294 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:29,200 ...let go of the past. 295 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:35,440 Remember the happier times, and try new things... 296 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:45,120 ...and open your heart to life's wondrous possibilities. 297 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,760 Dave said "wondrous"? 298 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:52,840 I'm paraphrasing. 299 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,639 Will you tell him I'm trying? 300 00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,080 Of course. 301 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,240 She's trying! 302 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:08,599 Oh, my God, is that THE Michael Bevan? 303 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,839 Whoo! Sign my tits! 304 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:15,599 Stop, stop... How was sound-check? 305 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:18,359 Yeah, smashed it. 306 00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:21,559 I met some of the other acts. They're... 307 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:22,959 ...young. 308 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:26,999 Well, I just wanted to give you a good luck charm for tonight. 309 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,880 Oh... Thank you. 310 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,159 Wow, it's... beautiful. 311 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:39,239 This last week, seeing you prepare for this gig... 312 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,959 I've never seen you this excited and enthusiastic. 313 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:43,159 Really? 314 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:47,079 I'm proud of you, performing your own original material. 315 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,519 It takes guts. Yeah, you're right. 316 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,639 I don't know what I was so scared of. 317 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:53,559 I should've done this so much sooner. 318 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,119 Well, you're doing it now. 319 00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:57,400 You are making your dreams happen. 320 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:00,519 Chris talks a lot about that at training. 321 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:04,319 Pursuing a career in music is a bit harder than teaching martial arts. 322 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,919 Well, they're both dreams. 323 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,199 My dream is heaps harder than Chris's dream. 324 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,959 Michael, "Holding a grudge is like drinking poison 325 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,240 "and waiting for the other person to die." 326 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,760 That's is such a good quote. 327 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:20,480 Who said that? 328 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,120 It was Chris, wasn't it? 329 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:29,199 Well, I should practise. 330 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,959 OK, I'll leave you to it. 331 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,599 Wait, aren't you going to put it on? 332 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:34,640 Hm? 333 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,920 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 334 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,959 You look like Enrique Iglesias! 335 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:53,999 Who? 336 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:55,280 You look hot. 337 00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:58,320 I'll be watching you! 338 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:00,640 Don't take it off! 339 00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,479 Linda, do you believe there's an afterlife? 340 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:19,039 The existence of an afterlife is an issue of belief, rather than proof. 341 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:20,639 I got us free ice creams. 342 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,439 Don't worry, I've checked them for toenails. 343 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:24,720 Linda, hold this. 344 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,599 Sue, what does ice cream taste like? 345 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,519 It's delicious! 346 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:34,359 So, what did the fortune teller say? 347 00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:36,959 She said a lot of things. 348 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:40,839 I think I just really wanted some sort of sign from Dave. 349 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,039 Yeah. 350 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,319 Did she say anything about sinkholes? 351 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:48,639 She's right, Dave would want me to keep trying new things, 352 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:49,920 and be... 353 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:52,599 ...happy. Yeah. 354 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,199 What about megaviruses? 355 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:59,119 She was also correct that you are going to the optician soon. 356 00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:03,039 She say anything about rollercoasters derailing? 357 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:06,479 Ooh! Sue, you just had an adrenaline spike. 358 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,959 You are afraid of rollercoasters. Yes. 359 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,359 Very. You should be. 360 00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:12,359 Have you ever been on one? God, no! 361 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:14,559 They're deathtraps. They really are. 362 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:19,039 The odds of being injured on a rollercoaster are... one in... 363 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:20,919 ...24 million. 364 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,080 Wow... 365 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:27,239 Sue, this would be an opportunity to try something new. 366 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:28,280 And fun. 367 00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:36,279 Tom! We're coming with you! Boomers are pushing in. 368 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,999 It's all right, I saved their place. What are you on about? 369 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,120 Here we go! Give over. 370 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:47,680 Thank you. 371 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:49,760 Oh... 372 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,119 I am proud of you, Sue. 373 00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:57,159 Are you having fun? 374 00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:58,640 Oh... 375 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:00,960 Fun mode activated. 376 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,839 Doesn't look like this can be salvaged, though, does it? 377 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,399 Do we now scatter Roxy on raw sewage? 378 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:28,679 No, Linda. Do we throw her in the bin? 379 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,239 There is a bin over there. Linda, shush. 380 00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:33,279 I had no idea Roxy weighed so much. 381 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,479 Don't feel bad. It's not your fault. 382 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,439 The sign said it is the robot owner's responsibility. Linda... 383 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,279 There were signs everywhere... Linda, mute! 384 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,439 What if I die like Harry did? 385 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,799 Roxy was the only one who touches me. 386 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,679 Oh... What is wrong with you? 387 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,319 I don't mean like that! 388 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:52,120 Well, I...I could touch you. 389 00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:54,560 Sometimes. 390 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,319 Yeah, well, maybe not. 391 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:04,359 Roxy knew exactly how I like my tea, what time I go to bed, 392 00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:07,199 what time I like to be woken up, 393 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,239 my favourite Strictly judge... 394 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,639 Shirley. No! Craig! 395 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:17,119 He's brutal, but how else are the dancers going to learn? 396 00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:19,999 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE That was Slutguts! 397 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,919 Slutguts, everybody. 398 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:24,919 Ok, to close this section, we've got 399 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,639 an artist you'll definitely recognise... 400 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:27,840 from the till! 401 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,399 One of Off The Scale's own, Michael Bevan. 402 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:37,719 What am I doing? I can't do this, go and start a fire in the toilets! 403 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,119 You're making your dreams come true. 404 00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:41,160 Now go. 405 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,640 Michael Bevan. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 406 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:49,960 Thank you... Thank you. 407 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,119 Um... 408 00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:57,999 It's not easy being an artist. Um... 409 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:02,519 You spend most of your time feeling like shit. 410 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:06,399 And then there's this technology replacing us, 411 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,319 because it's faster and cheaper to steal from humans. 412 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,159 < Yeah! All right! 413 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,480 I believe in people. 414 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:18,039 I believe there are things within us that cannot be mimicked, 415 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:23,439 or stolen, or learnt by algorithms for financial gain. 416 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,679 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 417 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:30,079 I wrote this song for someone... 418 00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:32,080 someone very special. Er... 419 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:34,679 My wife, Renee. 420 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:36,560 You are the reason I do what I do, babe. 421 00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:41,159 D, D, A... 422 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,039 STARTS PLAYING 423 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,760 And I want to dedicate this song to anyone out there... 424 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:48,920 ...creating. 425 00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:57,199 This song... This song came to me in fragments. 426 00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:02,840 And then... the fragments came together and they spoke to me. 427 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:11,440 Sorry. Like the... Like the memory of a dream... 428 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,400 ♪ Where is the moment you needed the most? 429 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:26,440 ♪ You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost... ♪ 430 00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:31,000 Keith, is that Bad Day by Daniel Powter? 431 00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:36,359 ♪ They tell me your passions gone away 432 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:41,039 ♪ And I don't need to carry on 433 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,319 ♪ Because you had a bad day 434 00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:45,159 ♪ You're taking one down 435 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:46,199 ♪ You sing a sad song 436 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:49,319 ♪ And you turn it around... ♪ 437 00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:52,599 Look, I asked Linda for an original song 438 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:55,359 and the stupid idiot gave me an original song... 439 00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:56,960 By Daniel Powter. 440 00:25:58,520 --> 00:25:59,919 Yes. 441 00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:04,359 You're always banging on about being bold and chasing your dreams. 442 00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:09,560 This last week, I realised... I'm shit at this. 443 00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:15,439 Do you have any idea how soul-destroying it is to realise 444 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:19,520 that you can't do the one thing you've always wanted to do? 445 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,159 No. 446 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:27,880 I'll never play Wembley. I'm never going to have a number one album. 447 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,519 I'll never be good enough for you. 448 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:32,560 Wait. 449 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,199 So this was entirely about me? 450 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,359 Well, yeah. 451 00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:40,079 And also me. 452 00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:42,400 That is really hot. 453 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:45,920 You're not embarrassed? No. 454 00:26:47,120 --> 00:26:50,279 I'm not. ROBOTIC VOICE: Here's one I pretended to write earlier. 455 00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,719 LAUGHTER Good one, Keith! 456 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:55,319 Eat a turd, Keith! 457 00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,520 HAD A BAD DAY PLAYS 458 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:03,079 Woo, Keith! 459 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,599 Don't be so disgusting. Sorry. 460 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:07,960 He's amazing! Keith, Keith, Keith! 461 00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:11,879 He's amazing! 462 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,559 All right, love, I'll do that. I will. 463 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:16,759 Nighty-nighty, then. 464 00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,120 Linda, it's Michael. 465 00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:22,799 Hello, Michael. 466 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:24,279 Yes. 467 00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:27,199 Yes. I understand. 468 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,919 I am a dipshit who cannot follow basic instructions, 469 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,679 and should be smelted for my metals. 470 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,199 Goodnight, Michael! 471 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:35,879 OK... 472 00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:37,840 Right, well, I'm going to bed, then. 473 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:45,199 Tom can purchase another Roxy, the T68/700 is an affordable model. 474 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,799 I think he might need a bit more time. 475 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:50,439 Humans, we get attached to things. 476 00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:53,120 That's why we find it so hard to let go. 477 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:57,559 I know it's difficult to understand because you're never going to die. 478 00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,759 Yes, but I will never get to taste ice cream. 479 00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:01,759 SUE CHUCKLES 480 00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:03,639 Goodnight, Linda. 481 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,799 Goodnight, Sue. 482 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:07,800 Don't forget to take your tablets.